How Do People Enjoy the Hobbit?

I saw the Hobbit last night with some great people and did not care for it at all. Further, I don't really get how people like that sort of thing. A very, very long movie, so long (as someone on twitter mentioned), there's enough time for the Hobbit to carefully read his employment contract. Surely that could have been cut? And magic birds? Magic mountain men? But the wizard doesn't seem to help much, except when everyone is about to die and he's all "oh wait, I'm a wizard, here you go".

Anyway. Cate Blanchett is still really pretty.

We only saw it because we couldn't get our collective shit together in time to see Django Unchained, which I will see soon.

I did nothing but watch movies over Christmas. That and eat and drink and smoke. It's a good thing I'm not super rich, or that would definitely be all I ever did. Also, I wrote 14 pages of a play. I think I'll make it a one act and perform it with willing friends at a party next spring. That's fun! Or "fUn!!!1!" I don't know you guys, death is coming for me. I'm still not dealing with this aging thing very well. This blog post has gone off the rails.

Oh, so I also watched "Safety Not Guaranteed" and "Take This Waltz". The first one is way better. The second one, Waltz, is worth watching for people who are moving to Toronto next year indefinitely and want to remember why that city is way more fun than Ottawa, like me. Also, Sarah Silverman in that movie will break your heart. She is so good. The whole thing is basically about Sarah Polley regretting leaving her first marriage. "Love the one you're with" is extremely depressing, as a theme, but it's not wrong. Not always. UGHHH, see that's what that movie does. See it though? Maybe?

Safety has the incredible Aubrey Plaza and Mark Duplass. Oh holy shit, you guys. It's so good. Funny, poignant, original, adorable characters...good life lessons!!! I'm not saying enough about how great it is. I'm bad at movie reviews. Let's call it a very strong recommendation.

Also, I met Plaza in LA last summer. She and Busy Phillips had to hang out with me for this charity thing. We drank beer and Plaza talked about getting high in Toronto (with other people, she didn't really like me being there, though Busy was super nice). And let me just say that Aubrey Plaza is the scariest human being in the world. Her eye contact would make you cry. BUT when she grinned in approval at a very inappropriate charades move I made (how do you act out Michael J Fox? Really, I didn't know, so I just started shaking my arms and legs. Everyone booed in the audience. Aubrey smiled and I felt MEGA VALIDATED). That's it, that's my story. Also, all famous people are 5'2".

Go see Safety Not Guaranteed!! It's guaranteed entertainment!!!! 

Oh My Queen

I'm getting drunk and recuperating from pneumonia chez my parents, who I told "I think I'm becoming an alcoholic" and they didn't laugh. Then my mom said she was looking at my cough syrup (the highly medicated barbituate prescribed 'good shit') and observed I seem to be taking 5x the recommended dosage, which is why I'm sleeping in until 4pm these last few days.

"Yeah, but I'm not coughing!" was my reply. Also, drug dreams are great. Last night I was on a magical horse farm and mystical dude with terrible timing was looking for me and we rode off into rainbow snow fields or something.

Anyway, here are some great things I've seen lately and other things I remembered loving in my fever dream:

"Angels in America", the Meryl Streep one. Good lord, I know all of Harper and Prior's lines down flat. I studied this play in theatre classes in undergrad. It's no surprise I identify with delusive valium addicts and paranoid drag queens. But you would like it too because it's fantastic, see?

I also saw this fantastic documentary called "The Queen of Versailles". It's about an extremely decadent, outrageously wealthy family, facing down-cuts after 2008. The personality that comes through is surprising. I am a shitty movie reviewer, since I can't think up the words that would convince you to watch this. There's a scene where awful children callously let a pet lizard die. Also, just watch it and take my word for it, ok?

Then I watched "Goon" again. It's very violent but the characters are lovable.

And finally, I rewatched the "Slums of Beverly Hills". This was my favourite movie when I was fifteen. I got very sad a few years ago when Natasha Lyonne got so sick and down on her luck. I'm happy she's better. I could watch this movie a million times. It's about a quirky family slumming it in...you know. Natasha and Marisa Tomei just play the most earnest, hilarious, vulnerable girls ever. It's a riot of a movie. I love it.