Almost like News

Over the last week I watched all 10 episodes of Aaron Sorkin's "The Newsroom". If at times I felt compulsively eye-rolly and shouted at the screen "Come on, Jim from the Office, it just gets boring when you marry Pam/Maggie and her wholesome button-up boobs!", I still think it's worth watching for the following reasons:

A) Olivia Munn's sexy economist character makes me wonder if I should re-visit my potential bisexuality (I mean, no-- I'm like Neko Case in that I'm a lesbian spirit trapped with an inconveniently straight sexual orientation...but just in case, call me Olivia/Sloan!)

B) Maybe we should all listen to a little bit of Sorkin's diatribe.

C) Emily Mortimer is always standing in front of me naked, bemoaning her flabby arms*, or raising sad British upper class eyebrows at the brutal murder of Scarlett Johansson**. Watch her stomp around in tight pencil skirts and chic blouses! She'll make a believer out of you!!

*Watch "Lovely & Amazing" if you're female and even if you're not.

**I spoiled the movie in question, but for anyone who missed the reference, just watch all of Woody Allen's movies to be safe. But not all at once. That'd be like smoking an entire pack after your first cigarette.

Coming soon-- Podcasts. Lots of podcasts. We should all be listening to podcasts all the time. Today while the bitchy (I always want to say 'cunty'--why is bitchy okay, but cunty is not? Bitch is an awful word and cunt is fun! I see many of my friends wince when I say CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNTY CUNT CUNT. See there, I'm trying to desensitize you. It's a fun fucking word. Nice and crisp. Try it! Let's take it back from the cunty cunt-haters!)

...ahem, while the cunty dental hygienist who has been my enemy for a decade squished her breasts against the top of my head while she muttered in French about the tragedy of my rough brushing technique (note-- she told me all my teeth would fall out by 30 and none have so far! My teeth are winners!!), I thought "ahh, this would be much better if I could listen to a podcast". While driving-- podcast! While savagely destroying my gums while I brush my teeth by the sink, I'm doing calf-raises and listening to podcasts! You get it!

More on that tomorrow. One last thought-- if you have a francophone enemy in your life, like one who works for dentists and is therefore evil incarnate, tell them you want to practice your French. Hostile diatribes are much more palatable if you understand 30% less, and the best way to beat an enemy is to pretend you think they're swell and worthy of respect.