"Hitchcock" was a decent film. Jessica Biel is still pretty and I always forget that she's an actress. But you know who's fierce as fuck? Scarlett Johansson. She is cool as a perfect pair of jeans and cigarettes in her role as Janet Leigh. Love her, and love that she's totally the winner from her divorce.
Also, you can't step to Helen Mirren and her goddamn perfect bathing suit body. The flick is all about the 'struggle' to finance and produce the crazy movie "Psycho". It's also about the struggle for fat people to diet. I get it. Sometimes all you wanna do is fuck hot blondes! But you're too fat and creepy! So instead you spy and drink lots of cocktails and eat lots of ice cream!! Relatable!!
And I also watched one of the creepiest movies I've ever seen, "Curling". It's an indie Quebec picture about a creepy dad, living in isolation with his creepy young daughter. And their creepy relationship. Super mysterious, which can be irritating. But can also be an exercise in finding out how dark your mind really is!! What do you think is going on? What does that say about you? What the fuck is up with curling, anyway? I mean that. Not just in the movie. What's up with curling? Someone explain. Anyway, watch this one if you want to get truly freaked out. It's really well done. Did you like "The White Ribbon"? Then this too, go for it.
Not everything has to be brilliant to be enjoyable. Sometimes you can eat really weirdly delicious things, like pretzels covered in chocolate. And meanwhile you can laugh your head off to stupid, aimless silliness. People who don't go the movies alone, or moreover, people who don't go to movies at all? Why? I don't understand. But then, I don't have a television. Sometimes I get sick of watching stuff on my laptop. Although, not really-- I probably spend 16 hours a day staring at this screen. Could be why my eyes are perma-bloodshot. Maybe our eyes will evolve to deal with backlit screens, who knows.
In the meantime, go watch The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. It's really pointless and funny, especially the end. Jim Carrey is one of those rare birds. When you ask him to be funny, he will be funny in that unique, ridiculous way. Ace Ventura Pet Detective is the first funny movie I remember really losing my mind over. It's the earliest memory I have of understanding what 'funny' was. My babysitter was washing dishes, giving me her review (I was a quiet, precocious little kid who loved to substitute for adult company with my lonely babysitter women--for them, it was talking to a cat or yourself, but very slightly better.) She was like "god, there he was, talking out of his butt, which is so gross, but goddamn if he wasn't the funniest thing I've ever seen."
I also saw Identity Thief. It was borderline terrible, but still better than the Hobbit!! If you're on an airplane and you can't sleep for some reason, and it's one of those cheap flights where you don't get a choice for the movie, so obviously they're showing Identity Thief-- well in that case, go ahead and watch it, it's better than reading the in-flight magazine, or focusing on your constant, uncomfortable shifting away from the creep who is sitting beside you and who is irritatingly unaware that the arm rest is the border onto your personal space. But really, who goes unprepared onto a flight? Like that lady from Vermont who insisted so badly we should talk, and I decided to read a mediocre book cover to cover non-stop for 5 hours. Until she actually said "that must be a really good book". Of course, I am weak and afterwards got to hear her life-story anyway.
I used to ride a horse named Champion. Champ, as we called him. He was really decent for a school-horse (the poor beasts who get their faces pulled around in riding schools while teaching terrible children to ride). I only rode him when he went insane and bucked off the children while I was teaching daycamp. I had to get on afterwards to train him and he'd fly around, as I cowboy'd him into submission. Poor Champ was so depressed. He would also spend long hours staring at the wall of his stall, totally dead inside, biting the children who tried to put a halter on him. Poor beasts of the world in general, you know?
Kelly MacDonald though. If someone made a movie about Champ the Depressed Schoolhorse, Kelly could play the lead role, even though she's of a different species. That's how good she is.
You guys, literally anything with Kelly MacDonald is a good movie. She is just so good, and somehow is one of those heros who only chooses greatness with her films. I already mentioned No Country for Old Men. Here are a few:
"Choke" -- Yeah, I'm going to repeat movies that I love (if this is a repeat). I love Chuck Palahniuk books. This was one of my favourite books ever, and they made it into a decent comedy. I'd watch it again, even with other people there to judge my taste.
"The Girl in the Cafe" -- The whole thing is a blatant charity drive in movie form, and it's still incredibly good. Because Kelly MacDonald, you guys. She has these expressive eyes like a vulnerable terrier, and then she can be such a badass at the same time. That is some rare talent. Anyway, if you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. In fact, I kind of want to watch it this afternoon as a pick me up, since last night I had to clean puke out of my car (hazards of being DD). This clip shows the acting and the message, but trust me it's also a very romantic movie! It's Bill Nighy's fault that I've watched Love, Actually so many Christmases in a row.
"Trainspotting"-- Horrifying. More horrifying than Requiem for a Dream. Drugs drugs drugs, they'll ruin your life! If you're into movies, it's surely one you've seen. If you've meant to get around to it, well go ahead. Put it on the calendar. Because it's also funny, in the way that terrible things are funny. In the way true things are funny because everyone is a lunatic, actually. Danny Boyle. He is a hero director. Even if you don't watch the movie, watch this clip, please:
"Gosford Park" -- Hey, Downtown Abbey got all of its best ideas from the greatest movie of all time, Gosford Park. Including Maggie Smith. Yeah. GREATEST. I don't care if I give that title to all of them. If anyone wanted to fight me over the greatness of Gosford Park, I would immediately roll up my sleeves and take out my earrings.
If I step back it's always because I'm afraid. I tell myself to be courageous and hard-working. I constantly fail. Peter Singer said something like "just because we all morally fail all the time doesn't mean the moral standards should be slackened." It's true, it's possible we're all a bunch of frequent, incorrigible failures. Like maybe Ghandi and Mother Teresa are the baseline for humanity and the rest of us are morally deficient.
Anyway, I can always talk a lot of nonsense. What's up is I gave myself one scary/brave thing to do this week/month and I keep messing it up. Not doing it. It has nothing to do with anything, I'm just confessing to the ether because I'm not Catholic anymore but it's what we're trained to do. A useless conflict resolution strategy if there ever was one. Catholic: "I fucked up, just like I always do". Listener: "...why are you telling me?"
Heroes!! Lucy Liu and Garret Dillahunt. They are great and I'm not going to do them justice, because I'm tired and have only five minutes.
So just, if you're looking for movies, check out "No Country for Old Men" or "The Assassination of Jesse James..." with my hero Dillahunt. Not Looper. And I've already told you my feelings on the glory of "Deadwood"and "Winter's Bone." I can't speak to "The Road"...I read the book and was horrified, so I never bothered with the movie. But I've heard it's massively depressing. Stick with No Country. See it again. It surprises you. Also, Assassination is one of the prettiest things I've ever seen. Actually, both Assassination & No Country are landscape movies to take you places you maybe don't have the money/time to go visit right now.
I know so many of my recommendations are lady-centric, as they should be. But Assassination is one of the manliest man movies of all man-time (next to "There Will Be Blood"). I still like it, so maybe there are some men out there who like "Waitress", who knows.
And Lucy, you know her:
I know she's way too famous to be a little known hero, but she fits my definition of an actor who reliably does great things. Things you know and enjoy for fun, like "Charlie's Angels" and "Kill Bill". But did you know about "Watching the Detectives" or "Lucky Number Slevin"? I adore those movies. They are wayyyy too much fun to be so underrated/ unknown. I promise you'd like them. They also co-star two of my heros of perfect looks, Cillian Murphy and Josh Hartnett. Ladies, I'm telling you. Gentlemen...well, have you seen Lucy Liu?
AND ALSO I bet you forgot my girl LL was in "CHICAGO". YEAH. She was the very best thing is that hilarious movie, which is one of the only musicals I can stand. Maybe because she didn't sing.
"Hitchcock" was a decent film. Jessica Biel is still pretty and I always forget that she's an actress. But you know who's fierce as fuck? Scarlett Johansson. She is cool as a perfect pair of jeans and cigarettes in her role as Janet Leigh. Love her, and love that she's totally the winner from her divorce.
