Lawless --- Tom Hardy & Cardigan

"Lawless" is a great movie to see stoned in the afternoon. Probably pretty good sober at other hours too. I thought it was a cowboy movie because I didn't pay attention to the poster, I just walked by and saw Tom Hardy's face and Mia Wasikowska's name. That's enough and it didn't disappoint!

What is too bad about Tom Hardy though, is that now all you can hear is Bane voice. I think if he were back to his deadly sexy British accent, the Bane would go away. But here, in this early 1930s Prohibition era shoot-em-up, he was Bane with a cardigan. Really, no man can better rock a cardigan.

Shia LeBouffant is also in this, with funny hair and eyebrows that go up in the middle while he's terrified or crying, which is much of the movie. Mia plays a coquettish Mennonite girl or something. And Jessica Chastain shows up to pretty much look hot, and seduce Tom. Boobs, is what I'm saying. Artsy-actress boobs.

Totally worth seeing-- very adventurous, and excellent villain by Guy Pearce, who is always outstanding. Also Gary Oldman winks!! What's not to love?!

One little general point: it's 'based on a true story', and I know we love to root for the underdog, even when they're crooks...but there's one scene in this movie where Tom Hardy's character does something really horrific. In the context it wasn't unjustified, but, you know. It's gross. And that dude is still the hero. Smokeshow. I was just a little sad that I was loving up this slightly psychotic character. A real life person who could just murder-murder-shoot-etc...probably not so loveable?

But why think about it?! Fun movie!

And helpful too, (minor spoiler!!!--------)


Chastain literally throws herself at Hardy to get any action (the dude just moons at her, and the most she ever gets is like, him saying her name or a non-committal grunt of maybe affection?) This was so familiar to me and my current non-love life, that today I was just like "ok real-life cardigan man, you and I are done, I can't take your terror of women and mixed signal bullshit anymore". Because eventually a girl needs more.

If he were literally Tom Hardy though, I'd totally do anything.

Light and heavier

Light stuff--

I saw "Pitch Perfect" with a couple girlfriends and we laughed a lot. Musical silly comedies are fun and who can dislike Anna Kendrick? She can sing too! Which may have been the only reason she did the movie, but she's in Twilight as well so you know she likes pay checks. Just kidding, she's Oscar nominated! And based on her podcast appearances, seems like a cool cat.

A cooler cat is Rebel Wilson, and it's worth watching just for her. This movie was cute and worth seeing if you're into cute and forgettable fare. Also, I liked how the male love interest was pretty much the woman in the movie ("Why do you push me away?!"), played by the awesome Skylar Astin, who is in one of my favourite ridiculous musical comedies, that I super recommend: "Hamlet 2". A song from that psycho movie is my anthem during times of stress: "Raped in the Face".

(The only shit part of Pitch Perfect is the borderline racism sometimes, like some weird shit against Asian characters, but maybe I'm being overly sensitive. Whatever the joke was, it wasn't well done.

Dark stuff --

I also saw "Compliance", which, yikes. It's uncomfortable and I can't exactly say I recommend it. Like, read the story and you get it. It's well acted, but I couldn't help feeling like it was borderline...something. Exploitative is too strong a word, but it's in the right direction, you know? A movie that details what's essentially a pervert's successful torture and sexual assault of a young woman...especially because it's based on a "true story"...and you, as the audience, are watching it carried out...well, a little icky. Something icky about putting that story out there in this format.

Still, I think the intention is more so that this is an example of how people will do crazy shit under the mindmeld of authority. Milgram's experiments and Nazism proved that, and this does too...But, ok, as great as Dreamer Walker was in the part, it wasn't believable that a broke 19 year old who works at a fast food chain has a tit job, you know? I'm saying, showing lots of virile naked girl in a movie that's about something this horrific, just seems off-key. Maybe just watch the trailer and read the backstory. It is a decent film though. Not one I'd watch again or take my mom to. And given my law background, I kept flipping shit that people have no idea what their rights are, apparently. Really everyone-- know your rights!!

je ne regrette rien

I'm working hard on my French. Not school.

I saw "Laurence Anyways" last night and my French is definitely better. Holy shit, this movie is so good. I cried. It was beautiful. Like a very sad dream.

When I was a little girl my dad dragged me along to air-shows and I fell to the ground, crying with hands over my ears because the sound was so loud it hurt. I so hate planes. Somehow, this is my approach to love: I am putting my hands over my ears and squeezing my eyes shut super hard anyways.

What's so great about Xavier Dolan is his understanding, and lovely demonstration, of how much people can suck at love.

Argo Get Over Yourself

Argo was fine. A little boring though. From the trailer, you think it'd be a lot more exciting than what it delivers. Lainey (laineygossip.com -- the best gossip site) mentioned that when they showed the movie at the Toronto Film Festival, it didn't include the current post-script, which commends the Canadian involvement. Then people got pissy. Well no shit, the whole movie rather glosses over the Canadian involvement. Not that I care. Seeing it in Ottawa, it was cute how the audience loved the little canuck jokes. Oh, Canadians. We love any ounce of attention.

Like I said, fine. What's better? Anything by Xavier Dolan. XD also writes, directs and stars in movies, and he's cuter than Ben Affleck. Although, I do think it's adorable that the artist formerly known as Bennifer cannot resist a gratuitous shot of his own abs.

Here's something from Les Amours Imaginaires, a delightful XD film (it comes with English subtitles as well):

Ben's abs:

Non-sequitor:

I also highly recommend Rosetta Stone, if you want to learn a language. Or this guy's method, if you have self-discipline.

Looper Sucks

I saw "Looper" while drunk but it's so bad. I don't understand the good reviews at all. Here are some reasons it's terrible:

*The non-explanation of time-travel. The characters are like "ohh, you know that crazy time-travel shit, don't try to wrap your head around it!" Ok. I'm not going to expect a reasonable explanation of a fictional sci-fi phenomenon, but try something!! It's like the screenwriters put an asterisk on the script, to go back later and make a semi-plausible attempt at explaining the situation, and then never did. LAME.

*The uglification of Joseph Gordon Levitt's face. Why put a cute actor if you're going to fuck with his face, which by the way still looks very little like Bruce Willis? I don't like JGL nearly as much after listening to his Nerdist interview (he's kind of much less interesting than you'd think), but I usually enjoy him in movies. NOT HERE.

*The INSANE misogyny. This movie features a perfect, idealized woman who literally has zero lines. She says nothing at all. PERFECT LADY indeed. And another woman who lies in bed for 30 seconds and decides she simply must have sex with the gun-toting stranger living in her barn. Gross. Come the fuck on, Emily Blunt. You didn't need this money!

*The hilariously ridiculous plot-device that I should just spoil. It's supposed to make you think, but it just made me laugh at its idiocy. Look: anytime a movie relies heavily on the plot and suspense being carried forward by either an animal or a child actor, the thing is in trouble.

The only nice thing about the movie was Piper Perabo getting more work. You know what's better to see? "My Summer of Love", to see Blunt act and have an amazing story with actual gothy surprise, and "Lost and Delirious", to see Perabo prove she can act, and women prove they are more interesting than sexy legs and silent faces.

Pyjamas til 5pm

My friend and I had quite the adventure last night. Jesus Christ. I can't even begin to tell you. But I'm hungover big time.

Comfort movie watching is better than comfort food, because you have less reason to feel guilty. So let me recommend some Kirsten Dunst films. Kiki D gets a bad rap in the press sometimes, but it just so happens she stars in some of my all-time favourite re-watchable feel good movies:

"Marie Antoinette" -- watch if you feel alone and sad for no reason and like pretty things.

"Virgin Suicides" -- see above. Sophia Coppolla knows girls.

"Wimbledon" -- my favourite romantic comedy. Paul Bettany, aka Mr. Jennifer Connelly, is a total smokeshow. He is so British and adorable. People who don't think blond men are pretty may like this less. Remember when Reese Witherspoon tried with that sportsperson based romantic comedy that no one saw? Exactly. Because Wimbledon kills it in that genre. I'm watching this one now. Love it.

"Melancholia" -- Lars Von Trier movies are good if you find depression compelling and sometimes hate humanity. Definitely not for everyone, but many of my clever pals love this movie. It's gorgeous and KD was totally ripped off for awards nominations (probably because LVT said some stupid shit at Cannes.) See it!

Frozen Hands

I just spent the afternoon watching "Buck" and "What's My Number" on Netflix. I blame this flagrant escapism on the fact it snowed today and my apartment is a drafty nightmare. I feel like a character in an old-timey consumption novel. I basically need gloves to type.

"Buck" is about a horse-whisperer. I heard it was good. What? Not good. Pretty boring. Maybe non-horse people would find it more interesting, but it was basically like every horse clinic I've ever seen in real life. I had a psycho horse one time, and I wondered if this dude could have fixed him. But when he gave up on the psycho horse in this movie, blaming "possible brain injury" on the horse (which is exactly what my overpriced cowboy trainer said my awful horse had when he also gave up on him, $17,000 in training later), I knew it was just reality. Not miraculous. I like my German coach better, who said such horses should just be shot (humanely put down!). A horse that could kill you is just that.

"What's My Number" was delightful. Anna Faris and Chris Evans are both in such good shape and it was the kind of romantic comedy of which Mindy Kaling would approve. Me too.

Oh and when I mentioned podcasts, I forgot to mention "The Champs" (Neal Brennan, Moshe Kasher, DJ Dougpound). Really good talk, if you're fascinated to hear men talk openly about their lady-games. You should give it a listen.