"Beginners" is a sweet, sad, honest delight of a movie. It's the sort of thing my dad and brother would hate and my mom would consider too depressing. Except it has moments of this specific, overwhelming hope too.
It's overall a story of a dude mourning his dad, who is gay, as well as his mom and their marriage. And on top of that, his own love story, his history and all that. The dude is Ewan Mcgregor and the girl is Melanie Laurent, who puts the whole world on her face as an actress. See also "Inglourious Basterds"-- she's incredible.
So it's my favourite movie when I'm sick or sad or lonely or tired or writing the bar exam tomorrow. I highly recommend it for anyone who likes brunch, horses, ballet or that Russian kind of sadness.
"Art School Confidential" is a movie that I laughed at very hard. I've been told recently my sense of humour is dark.
Fine. This isn't a flick you'd like if you didn't know anything about artists or liberal arts colleges or what counts as funny.
But if you do know about any of those things, this movie is for you! I'd watch it a dozen more times. Nearly every character is a horrible person, behaving ridiculously. It sends up celebrity, idiots, poseurs, snobs, lesbians, cops, professors and hypocrite hot girls!! The best!
When I was a kid, everyone thought I was an art prodigy for 5 minutes. My aunt is a painter and she took me to all these museums. My mom put me in art classes. Then an actual prodigy showed up to my class and everyone made a big deal of his goddamn shoe sketch. I got in the car, age 7, and told my mom "I'm done with art." I still draw with the same skill as I did in Grade 2.
But I'm still fascinated with art and artists, because why not. Here are two books that also make fun of the art scene! "Theft" by Booker Prize winning Peter Carey is the tits. I don't care if you never read, you should read that book. It's hysterical and clever. "An Object of Beauty" is another book about criminals in the art world, only it's written by Steve fucking Martin. And actually it's pretty good.
I should put more energy and thought into writing a memorial post for my virtual dad, Roger Ebert. I should but I haven't got it in me right now.
I was just reading his review of "Stoker" last week. God. He was right, also. He said that Matthew Goode has a promising future. See? He and I coincidentally have the same opinion most of the time. Not about "Juno" but many, many flicks. Same thoughts.
Fuck fuck fuck. Death is bullshit. Buy his books, don't read my garbage non-reviews.
As my Kazakhstani friend Anastasia once said, when I asked her why she insisted on chain-smoking, "Everybody dies." It's true. Life is finite. Live live live now, while you can, while you are.
Live life like someone's watching and they'll change the channel if you start to be boring. But don't be cruel. Right? Who knows.
This is a very metaphorical tribute, but I like this as a way to say goodbye to special things, special people, parts of life that are over. But remembered! A show about death knows how to end things.
Here's to you, Ebs. You make me want to be better at everything.
"Hitchcock" was a decent film. Jessica Biel is still pretty and I always forget that she's an actress. But you know who's fierce as fuck? Scarlett Johansson. She is cool as a perfect pair of jeans and cigarettes in her role as Janet Leigh. Love her, and love that she's totally the winner from her divorce.
Also, you can't step to Helen Mirren and her goddamn perfect bathing suit body. The flick is all about the 'struggle' to finance and produce the crazy movie "Psycho". It's also about the struggle for fat people to diet. I get it. Sometimes all you wanna do is fuck hot blondes! But you're too fat and creepy! So instead you spy and drink lots of cocktails and eat lots of ice cream!! Relatable!!
And I also watched one of the creepiest movies I've ever seen, "Curling". It's an indie Quebec picture about a creepy dad, living in isolation with his creepy young daughter. And their creepy relationship. Super mysterious, which can be irritating. But can also be an exercise in finding out how dark your mind really is!! What do you think is going on? What does that say about you? What the fuck is up with curling, anyway? I mean that. Not just in the movie. What's up with curling? Someone explain. Anyway, watch this one if you want to get truly freaked out. It's really well done. Did you like "The White Ribbon"? Then this too, go for it.
Not everything has to be brilliant to be enjoyable. Sometimes you can eat really weirdly delicious things, like pretzels covered in chocolate. And meanwhile you can laugh your head off to stupid, aimless silliness. People who don't go the movies alone, or moreover, people who don't go to movies at all? Why? I don't understand. But then, I don't have a television. Sometimes I get sick of watching stuff on my laptop. Although, not really-- I probably spend 16 hours a day staring at this screen. Could be why my eyes are perma-bloodshot. Maybe our eyes will evolve to deal with backlit screens, who knows.
In the meantime, go watch The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. It's really pointless and funny, especially the end. Jim Carrey is one of those rare birds. When you ask him to be funny, he will be funny in that unique, ridiculous way. Ace Ventura Pet Detective is the first funny movie I remember really losing my mind over. It's the earliest memory I have of understanding what 'funny' was. My babysitter was washing dishes, giving me her review (I was a quiet, precocious little kid who loved to substitute for adult company with my lonely babysitter women--for them, it was talking to a cat or yourself, but very slightly better.) She was like "god, there he was, talking out of his butt, which is so gross, but goddamn if he wasn't the funniest thing I've ever seen."
I also saw Identity Thief. It was borderline terrible, but still better than the Hobbit!! If you're on an airplane and you can't sleep for some reason, and it's one of those cheap flights where you don't get a choice for the movie, so obviously they're showing Identity Thief-- well in that case, go ahead and watch it, it's better than reading the in-flight magazine, or focusing on your constant, uncomfortable shifting away from the creep who is sitting beside you and who is irritatingly unaware that the arm rest is the border onto your personal space. But really, who goes unprepared onto a flight? Like that lady from Vermont who insisted so badly we should talk, and I decided to read a mediocre book cover to cover non-stop for 5 hours. Until she actually said "that must be a really good book". Of course, I am weak and afterwards got to hear her life-story anyway.
I used to ride a horse named Champion. Champ, as we called him. He was really decent for a school-horse (the poor beasts who get their faces pulled around in riding schools while teaching terrible children to ride). I only rode him when he went insane and bucked off the children while I was teaching daycamp. I had to get on afterwards to train him and he'd fly around, as I cowboy'd him into submission. Poor Champ was so depressed. He would also spend long hours staring at the wall of his stall, totally dead inside, biting the children who tried to put a halter on him. Poor beasts of the world in general, you know?
Kelly MacDonald though. If someone made a movie about Champ the Depressed Schoolhorse, Kelly could play the lead role, even though she's of a different species. That's how good she is.
You guys, literally anything with Kelly MacDonald is a good movie. She is just so good, and somehow is one of those heros who only chooses greatness with her films. I already mentioned No Country for Old Men. Here are a few:
"Choke" -- Yeah, I'm going to repeat movies that I love (if this is a repeat). I love Chuck Palahniuk books. This was one of my favourite books ever, and they made it into a decent comedy. I'd watch it again, even with other people there to judge my taste.
"The Girl in the Cafe" -- The whole thing is a blatant charity drive in movie form, and it's still incredibly good. Because Kelly MacDonald, you guys. She has these expressive eyes like a vulnerable terrier, and then she can be such a badass at the same time. That is some rare talent. Anyway, if you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. In fact, I kind of want to watch it this afternoon as a pick me up, since last night I had to clean puke out of my car (hazards of being DD). This clip shows the acting and the message, but trust me it's also a very romantic movie! It's Bill Nighy's fault that I've watched Love, Actually so many Christmases in a row.
"Trainspotting"-- Horrifying. More horrifying than Requiem for a Dream. Drugs drugs drugs, they'll ruin your life! If you're into movies, it's surely one you've seen. If you've meant to get around to it, well go ahead. Put it on the calendar. Because it's also funny, in the way that terrible things are funny. In the way true things are funny because everyone is a lunatic, actually. Danny Boyle. He is a hero director. Even if you don't watch the movie, watch this clip, please:
"Gosford Park" -- Hey, Downtown Abbey got all of its best ideas from the greatest movie of all time, Gosford Park. Including Maggie Smith. Yeah. GREATEST. I don't care if I give that title to all of them. If anyone wanted to fight me over the greatness of Gosford Park, I would immediately roll up my sleeves and take out my earrings.
