American Hustle & Anchorman 2 - the 70s seemed fun

American Hustle

A friend on facebook ("friend") was soliciting recruits for her Jewish Christmas festivities, which involved Chinese food and watching American Hustle. I told her "that movie is the tits!!!"

It sure is! Literally, boobs everywhere. I wish I could dress like Amy Adams and cut all of my outfits down to the navel. But we live in a society I guess. A consumerist society where I did some perfunctory Boxing Day shopping today. I know I'm an adult now because I've started to fantasize about winning the lottery. That's when you know your actual dreams are dying.

Anyway, this movie is non-stop movers and shakers, getting into hijinx and spitting out dialogue with crazy eyes and winsome 70s songs. A rascally pair of lovebird con-artists-- these characters are like finger-guns in a photograph. THE BEST. It's rare that I expect a movie to be perfect and then it's even better. The story is frenetic and never-ending. And funny too. You don't really expect it to make you laugh the whole time, but it does. Jennifer Lawrence is funny in the way Cameron Diaz always thinks she is. It's kinda irritating. Like my friend who called yesterday to tell me she's pregnant again, they bought a house, she got a promotion, her husband got a promotion, she lost weight and reconnected with her estranged sister. MERRY CHRISTMAS, PERFECT LIFE. Are you going to win the lottery too?! No, I'm very happy for her. But come on, Jennifer Lawrence. Stop making us all feel so unaccomplished.

Overall, the movie is lots of silly and dramatic people amusing you with absurd hairstyles and endless off-screen coke shenanigans, plus exceptional acting. Louis CK is there too! Christian Bale got fat and dances to jazz! Bradley Cooper impersonates Louis CK! Jennifer Lawrence sets things on fire! Jeremy Renner's hair makes him 8 feet tall!

Anchorman 2

Well. This just is what it is. If you eat a double-dosed pot cookie, you won't regret watching this sequel that is exactly as good as the Hangover 2. There aren't really any new jokes, but those old ones aren't bad to hear repeated. Not necessary to hear repeated, but it's better to see this movie than to spend another evening on the brown suede loveseat you begged off your mom, eating chips and pressing "refresh" on the Jezebel homepage. 

I also played poker this Christmas for the first time in my life and all these 70s themed activities are making me strongly consider buying this coat, because I make terrible decisions across the board.

The End & The Bling

"This is the End" was very funny. I don't really get sick of that Seth Rogen stuff, or I haven't yet. And Danny McBride. Come on.

...oh god, I can't really do any decent reviews right now because I didn't sleep at all last night and it's 7:01 in the morning and I'm sitting in a hotel lobby in Syracuse, which is a pretty sad place. My mom bought me all the clothes I could ever wear, which is great and has also defeated my consumer urges. So I'm in this weird twilight mood-- what do I procrastinate with now, since it's pointless to online window shop?

But if you haven't seen it, go see that above named movie. It's really watchable. Probably don't bother with "The Bling Ring" though. I love Sofia Coppola movies but this one was weirdly flat. It's based on a true story of vapid, teenage break and enter artists. But like, you knew that. It doesn't even show the good stuff from the Vanity Fair article upon which it's based (like all the coke the kids found at Paris Hilton's house). The best part of the movie is Emma Watson, and guess what? She's also in This is the End, so just go see that. You know? The trailer for the Bling Ring is decent and better than the actual movie, so here you go:

Finally, on another personal note, when hanging out with young cousins, beware talking about 14 year old subject matter, such as the hazards of making out with braces on, when you don't actually know how old your cousin is, because she will later reveal she's 11.

Beginners

"Beginners" is a sweet, sad, honest delight of a movie. It's the sort of thing my dad and brother would hate and my mom would consider too depressing. Except it has moments of this specific, overwhelming hope too.

It's overall a story of a dude mourning his dad, who is gay, as well as his mom and their marriage. And on top of that, his own love story, his history and all that. The dude is Ewan Mcgregor and the girl is Melanie Laurent, who puts the whole world on her face as an actress. See also "Inglourious Basterds"-- she's incredible.

So it's my favourite movie when I'm sick or sad or lonely or tired or writing the bar exam tomorrow. I highly recommend it for anyone who likes brunch, horses, ballet or that Russian kind of sadness.

Artists are Lovely Assholes

"Art School Confidential" is a movie that I laughed at very hard. I've been told recently my sense of humour is dark.

Fine. This isn't a flick you'd like if you didn't know anything about artists or liberal arts colleges or what counts as funny.

But if you do know about any of those things, this movie is for you! I'd watch it a dozen more times. Nearly every character is a horrible person, behaving ridiculously. It sends up celebrity, idiots, poseurs, snobs, lesbians, cops, professors and hypocrite hot girls!! The best!

When I was a kid, everyone thought I was an art prodigy for 5 minutes. My aunt is a painter and she took me to all these museums. My mom put me in art classes. Then an actual prodigy showed up to my class and everyone made a big deal of his goddamn shoe sketch. I got in the car, age 7, and told my mom "I'm done with art." I still draw with the same skill as I did in Grade 2.

But I'm still fascinated with art and artists, because why not. Here are two books that also make fun of the art scene! "Theft" by Booker Prize winning Peter Carey is the tits. I don't care if you never read, you should read that book. It's hysterical and clever. "An Object of Beauty" is another book about criminals in the art world, only it's written by Steve fucking Martin. And actually it's pretty good.

All Good Things

"All Good Things" is pretty good.

You should watch it if:

(a) you like the guy who plays Ron Swanson, but want to see what he'd look like as a vulnerable man crying in a car;

(b) you like the guy who is Ryan Gosling and want to see if you'd still do him if he were a psychopath in drag (...no comment);

(c) you are curious about how people get away with murder;

(d) you want to see Kirsten Dunst have her spirit broken onscreen and then turn into a believably tragic cocaine addict; or

(e) a creepy stranger invites you to move in with him and you're wondering if that's a good idea.

I'll miss you forever, Ebert

I should put more energy and thought into writing a memorial post for my virtual dad, Roger Ebert. I should but I haven't got it in me right now.

I was just reading his review of "Stoker" last week. God. He was right, also. He said that Matthew Goode has a promising future. See? He and I coincidentally have the same opinion most of the time. Not about "Juno" but many, many flicks. Same thoughts.

Fuck fuck fuck. Death is bullshit. Buy his books, don't read my garbage non-reviews.

As my Kazakhstani friend Anastasia once said, when I asked her why she insisted on chain-smoking, "Everybody dies." It's true. Life is finite. Live live live now, while you can, while you are.

Live life like someone's watching and they'll change the channel if you start to be boring. But don't be cruel. Right? Who knows.

This is a very metaphorical tribute, but I like this as a way to say goodbye to special things, special people, parts of life that are over. But remembered! A show about death knows how to end things.

Here's to you, Ebs. You make me want to be better at everything.

Hitchcock & Curling

"Hitchcock" was a decent film. Jessica Biel is still pretty and I always forget that she's an actress. But you know who's fierce as fuck? Scarlett Johansson. She is cool as a perfect pair of jeans and cigarettes in her role as Janet Leigh. Love her, and love that she's totally the winner from her divorce.

Also, you can't step to Helen Mirren and her goddamn perfect bathing suit body. The flick is all about the 'struggle' to finance and produce the crazy movie "Psycho". It's also about the struggle for fat people to diet. I get it. Sometimes all you wanna do is fuck hot blondes! But you're too fat and creepy! So instead you spy and drink lots of cocktails and eat lots of ice cream!! Relatable!!

And I also watched one of the creepiest movies I've ever seen, "Curling". It's an indie Quebec picture about a creepy dad, living in isolation with his creepy young daughter. And their creepy relationship. Super mysterious, which can be irritating. But can also be an exercise in finding out how dark your mind really is!! What do you think is going on? What does that say about you? What the fuck is up with curling, anyway? I mean that. Not just in the movie. What's up with curling? Someone explain. Anyway, watch this one if you want to get truly freaked out. It's really well done. Did you like "The White Ribbon"? Then this too, go for it.