The unimportant things that take up my life, besides alcohol. Just kidding! I might also talk about alcohol.

Sunday 14 October 2012

Looper Sucks

I saw "Looper" while drunk but it's so bad. I don't understand the good reviews at all. Here are some reasons it's terrible:

*The non-explanation of time-travel. The characters are like "ohh, you know that crazy time-travel shit, don't try to wrap your head around it!" Ok. I'm not going to expect a reasonable explanation of a fictional sci-fi phenomenon, but try something!! It's like the screenwriters put an asterisk on the script, to go back later and make a semi-plausible attempt at explaining the situation, and then never did. LAME.

*The uglification of Joseph Gordon Levitt's face. Why put a cute actor if you're going to fuck with his face, which by the way still looks very little like Bruce Willis? I don't like JGL nearly as much after listening to his Nerdist interview (he's kind of much less interesting than you'd think), but I usually enjoy him in movies. NOT HERE.

*The INSANE misogyny. This movie features a perfect, idealized woman who literally has zero lines. She says nothing at all. PERFECT LADY indeed. And another woman who lies in bed for 30 seconds and decides she simply must have sex with the gun-toting stranger living in her barn. Gross. Come the fuck on, Emily Blunt. You didn't need this money!

*The hilariously ridiculous plot-device that I should just spoil. It's supposed to make you think, but it just made me laugh at its idiocy. Look: anytime a movie relies heavily on the plot and suspense being carried forward by either an animal or a child actor, the thing is in trouble.

The only nice thing about the movie was Piper Perabo getting more work. You know what's better to see? "My Summer of Love", to see Blunt act and have an amazing story with actual gothy surprise, and "Lost and Delirious", to see Perabo prove she can act, and women prove they are more interesting than sexy legs and silent faces.

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