Ben Foster / Mos Def

I failed to post yesterday, which is the least important thing I skipped. I got a weather induced migraine, the second of my life! Did you know the body can introduce new and exciting varieties of suffering you thought if you didn't get young, you'd never get? It's true!! Like psychotic eczema and crippling 12 hour headaches!

Also, did you know Advil never expires (according to my mom and the fact those 2008 expired pills didn't kill me, but made me sleep 9 hours)? YAH! My mom doesn't think anything really ever expires. She got food poisoning a lot.

On to the heroes!! First: Ben Foster. This is the level of love I have for BF, my imaginary BF: he dated Kirsten Dunst and Robin Wright. And then those two women rose inestimably in my opinion, because I realized their perfect taste.

He's replacing Shia LaBouffant in "Orphans" on Broadway this spring, which means I'm going to NYC this spring. He is the world's best looking best actor ever. That is my opinion, but I don't argue with my friend when she tells me I should accept Jesus into my heart, because otherwise she's not sure I won't go to Hell. That's the power of BLIND FAITH & BELIEF. You cannot argue, you can only nod and squint. Like, I'd even watch a Jesus movie if Ben were in it.

Regarder le Ben:

"Liberty Heights" -- This is a cute movie about cute kids in a shitty time. Nostalgia should also remember the shit of the past. And it's a movie about how love conquers all!! Ben conquers all! With his marvelous acting chops and handsomeness that stilled my teenage heart!!!!!

"3:10 to Yuma" -- I definitely watched this movie 100% because Ben my boyfriend starred in it. But guess what, it's a great movie. It's the perfect Western, for people who don't even like Westerns. Full of drama, beautiful horses, tense stand-offs and homoerotic unrequited love. Also, Christian Bale. He's like a litmus test-- he won't do terrible movies. And this is the role that proves Ben is unstoppable. He was robbed of an Oscar nomination/ Oscar.

"The Messenger" -- This movie is super sad and super epic. It's about kids dying in war and the soldiers who have to tell their families. It's a beautiful story and based on true tragedy. I'd watch it again and again. Woody Harrelson is excellent, like he always is. As in the untouchable Samantha Morton. But so is Ben. Ben Ben Ben BEN.

Second hero of the day: Mos Def. Who the hell is sexier than Mos Def? Whenever he appears in a movie, he becomes the sun that the rest of the story orbits around. MD's quiet power onscreen is unbelievable. He can be funny, too. You would think that kind of gravitas could only work in dramas, but then there he goes, being funny!

Then he goes around being beautiful at all times:

"The Woodsman" -- Well this is a strange story. Did you think a pedophile could ever be a workable protagonist? He is here, but he has the face of Kevin Bacon, so it softens the blow. I'm telling you though, Mos Def steals the movie. He blows your mind, he is so good. So so so good. And it makes the movie watchable. The whole thing is so haunting. I recommend it!

"Something the Lord Made" -- This is one of go-to feel good movies. It gets sad. Then it gets happy. Then sad, then happy!! Gabrielle Union also makes you wish she were in more movies. Alan Rickman is Alan Rickman and his cool voice gets even cooler with that thick Southern accent. But no one can even touch Mos Def. Not even. He is so perfect and makes you cry with his perfection. And check it out, you can watch the whole awesome thing on youtube.

"Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" -- People worship the book. I haven't read it, to my shame. But I did see the movie and it's fun! Check it out, you'll like it (probably). Whimsical. Zany. Best of all, Mos Def!! I really wish I could just list off everything he's done. He is always, always worth seeing. Such a hero.

Kathryn Hahn Makes Everything Better

Next up in heroes week (heroine is a stupid word): my all-time favourite funny girl Kathryn Hahn. Do you think Amy Poehler is funny? Or Kristen Wiig? Sure, but they don't hold a candle to Hahn. Despite her surprisingly short list of screen roles, she's a stand-out in my mind as one of the greatest ingredients to many of my favourite comedies.

Every time I see KH in a movie, she manages to be the most interesting thing on the screen. She is insanely funny in comedic roles, but she's also surprisingly good at going really dark sometimes. That is hard to do. Jim Carrey is just weird when he's serious, you know? Behold my hero Kathryn Hahn, who you've definitely seen before:

Yeahhh, heroes get their faces all up in your face, because I don't have trophies or clout.

"Anchorman" -- Let's be real, if you can't laugh at Anchorman, I pity your humourless existence. I still think Will Ferrell is one of the funniest human beings alive, but back at the Anchorman stage, that was the general opinion. This movie is just funny. That's all it aims to do, and it succeeds. It's early Kahn, in a small role, but she still kills it.

"Step Brothers" -- Sure, fine, it's not a film for everyone. I maintain it's hysterical. Enjoy silliness in movies!! Life is so short! If you can't laugh at this movie in general, you are flat-out wrong if you can't laugh at Kahn's role. It is one of the funniest characters in movie history...

"The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard" -- Genuinely underrated comedy. I laughed from the first minute until the end. It was directed by Neal Brennan, co-creator of the "Chappelle Show", and it features the funniest strip-club DJ since SNL. And the very best thing about the movie is KAHN!!!

"Revolutionary Road" -- If you like this sort of thing, you've already seen this movie. It's sad as murdered pandas. But BEAUTIFUL sad, you know? Maybe you don't know this, though: this is very, very brilliant sad-person acting by Kahn. She's so perfect as maybe the most tragic of all the tragic figures in the whole tragedy-eclipse that is this story (PS-- the book is really good too, even if you read it in bed in a Vegas hotel room because your boyfriend is a dick, which is how I read it. Maybe especially great in those circumstances). Stupidly there are no specific Kahn clips on youtube, but trust me. This is a killer flick and she outshines Winslet.

"Girls" -- I like it. Many of my preferred friends like it. I think every spoiled woman of my age would like it. You've probably heard everything there is to hear about Lena Dunham, but in case you missed it, Girls is a good show. A great show, maybe. It has its annoying, boring moments, but it has its perfect moments too. And some of those PERFECT moments involve the PERFECT KATHRYN HAHN!

And follow this link to funnyordie for a quick laugh, just cuz: (HAHN, that's why!)

Little Known Heroes- Matthew Goode

For a week I'm just going to mention actors who are so exceptional and/or attractive that I will watch any piece of garbage movie they're in.

1. Matthew Goode

You guys. I originally wrote this whole thing without doing any research on my chosen subject. One little google search later and I realized he is so much more than his perfect face. He is a master of great honesty and has a winsome "doesn't give a f***" attitude. You'll note my inclusion of Leap Year below. Having discovered Goode's publicized remarks on said movie, I love him FOREVER.

Look at him.

Exactly.

But, for what it's worth, he's also in lots of movies that I really enjoy for OTHER reasons. His face is like a bonus. Like the kind of happiness you get when the vending machine drops you two Snickers bars by accident.

"Match Point"-- yes fine whatever, I already alluded to this movie before. It's my favourite Woody Allen picture. Over the top and full of ridiculously good looking people acting like evil cats. I think it was the hottest Scarlett Johansson ever looked. Plus the movie centres on the idea of moral luck, which is the best and only thing I remember from my philosophy degree.

"Watchmen" -- Also featuring another sorta forgotten because he left his pregnant wife "hero" Billy Crudup. For some reason not everyone liked this incredibly weird and sexy comic-based movie. I thought it was chilling, dark and amazing. I read the book afterwards, and I still think the movie did its job. Comic nerds just need to be as chill as literary nerds when it comes to film adaptations. I would definitely watch this again, and it would definitely have a lot to do with Matthew Goode's face. He's a good actor, yo! Moral ambiguity and incredibly good looking men, these are a few of my favourite things.

"A Single Man" -- Tom Ford, the fashion guy, made a movie and it's as stylish and beautiful as you would think. When I saw it in theatres with my friend, I remember turning to her and saying "I want to go back to the 60s and have sex with everybody." Also, I think this is by far my favourite Goode role. If he was picked by a gay fashion designer, you know exactly how hot he is. And it shows his charm and innocence.

Ugh, everyone in this movie. Everyone is perfect. Julianne Moore is an all-time actor champion and she kills it. Colin Firth, there's nothing I need to say, because it's Firth. Nicholas Hoult, as one of his first adult acting roles, looks about as attractive as is humanly possible. But ok fine, emotionally the movie is also riveting and achingly perfect. It's really, really good if you want to celebrate nostalgia.

And, finally, regrettably, inevitably, "Leap Year". Here's the thing. I almost moved to Ireland indefinitely for a man. I saw this movie after the fact (I think, I can't remember the exact sequence). YES Irish accents are sexy and YES the Irish countryside is a green, hilly heaven-scape of nature, etc etc. But Ireland is also fucked up. Visiting dreamy-headed women take note. In any case, this is one of MG's few starring roles and he is STUPIDLY ATTRACTIVE even though he has some horrible facial hair. Also Amy Adams is in it and she's fine. Or ok, she's cute as a button (not as cute as she was in Junebug, which is the world's best Amy Adams movie). It's just that the writing for the movie was pulled out a of trashbin. And still. Still I've seen it 3-4 times. Seriously though, like all high-budget shitty movies you're going to watch anyway because maybe you're not above that sort of thing, the entire movie is in the trailer. So watch the trailer, or watch the extended trailer (the movie) if you want to drink and shout at the TV for catharthis.

Rust & Bone & Cotillard's Face

So watch "Rust & Bone" if you enjoy emotional manipulation and beautiful people. Specifically, the gorgeous Marion Cotillard. She absolutely acted the fuck out of this movie, but the Oscars already noticed her once and that is as far as they'll go for French movies. I LOVED this movie. I agree with Ebert's 4 stars. Some parts are crazy sad and horrifying. And yet, so is life. Isn't that what c'est la vie really means? Life, she is a cruel bitch.

I don't want to tell you what's in the movie before you watch it, because it's way, way better if you have no idea what's coming. Just strap in and get ready to see what it really means to "find love in a hopeless place".

[Note-- Rihanna, I know you're totally reading this. I do not approve of your particular hopeless place loveshit. You could date probably anybody, so. You know who else had her choice of anybody on earth? Cotillard, that's who! And look who she chose! Also, Diane Kruger. She got with Pacey!! I'm just saying, Rihanna. Look at your life, look at your choices. Also, you'd probably enjoy Rust & Bone. It's got whales and I know how potheads feel about whales.]

Rust & Bone's spoilery trailer: (BUT IF YOU TRUST ME AT ALL, JUST WATCH IT! Movies should be FULL OF SURPRISES.)

Shameless

"Shameless" is currently my favourite thing on television. It's a remake of a British show that I haven't seen, so I can't compare (let's always assume the original Brit version is better). Basically the show follows the lives of a poor family in the slums of Chicago.

Alcoholism, broke people problems, adolescent angst and William H. Macy. Best kind of drama around. Also, it's just over the top and zany enough to be awesome.

This show is never boring and the characters really bring you in. All the actors are great. It's not a surprise that Joan Cusack is great. Duh. But Emmy Rossum, who knew? No bra, no make-up, no hope and she keeps it going!

About Cherry is Wonderful Garbage

Some movies are terrible. You know that from the poster, the premise, the trailer. But Netflix keeps insisting and hey, Heather Graham, Dev Patel and James Franco are in it, so why not? That's "About Cherry". It had me, then lost me, then I keep watching because it got some things right, then it got weird but watchable, and then the ending infuriated me. But watchable. For a terrible movie, it was very good. Heather Graham is always worth watching, even in this movie with her terrifying frozen forehead. I'm not sold on the 'tox. But I'm sure I will change my mind in 3 years.

Greenberg, Rhys Ifans and Sleep

First, watch "Greenberg" because the characters are familiar. Very familiar. Greta Gerwig's character in the opening shot was me, basically. Wearing exactly the same things I wear, wandering around alone in Los Angeles. Ben Stiller is wonderful at being funny while also being absolutely horrible. It's bittersweet and pathetic. Everyone in the film is someone you've met. It's so good to watch alone on a Tuesday evening.

But, second, the best thing about Greenberg is Rhys Ifans. His character is such an honest balance of reality and apology. That perfectly rotten combination of loyalty and contempt, which is the product of many a friendship.

If you don't want to see Greenberg, you can watch pretty well anything Ifans has done. It occurred to me that he is one of the most versatile actors I've ever seen. It's great! He can do fucked up: see Human Nature, a Charlie Kaufman/ Michel Gondry underrated, Kafka-derived weirdo-fest with Tim Robbins and Patricia Arquette. See also Enduring Love, a movie about obsession with Daniel Craig eating a lot of food. I like the Ian McEwan book better, but a movie is faster to take in.

Anyway, looking over his IMDB, I realize Rhys hasn't been in as many big pictures as I thought. You can't miss him in Notting Hill, looking loveable and revolting all at once. Contrast that with what he looks like in The Five-Year Engagement, where he's smoking hot in sexy professor glasses. Both of those movies are decent if you're looking to feel self-indulgent on the couch with a romantic comedy, though of course 90s era Hugh Grant in Notting Hill is the better version.

But you really ought to see Rhys kill it in Anonymous. I guess I have a thing for brooding, well-decorated historical movies. SO SUE ME. This one is full of all the over-the-top Elizabethan era dirt and shenanigans you could hope for. It's a trip, you'd like it. Shakespeare conspiracy!!!

AND FINALLY because I've been sleeping about 9-10 hours a night for the last two weeks, watch The Science of Sleep. Another weirdo Michel Gondry film that is sad and pretty and you'll hate it if you don't like dreamy stuff. It's literally half a dream. But it's also about a broken guy, a dude who can't really cope with reality, played by the ever attractive Gael Bernal Garcia. His girlfriend is Charlotte Gainsbourg. It's the kind of film to watch in a sad mood (all of the above kind of are, actually). I read a Vanity Fair interview with Penelope Cruz many years ago, where she talked about sleeping 12 hours a night to deal with her depression. She'd been sleeping half her life away for years. I get it. I do that. It's not a good method, because your dreams take over. You go farther under, etc. Eventually things need to get done. Maybe start with a movie, though.

Happy-Go-Lucky: Enjoy Life, It's Fine

Mike Leigh movies are not for impatient people. They're for people who like to read novels sometimes. For example, if you like Alice Munro stories, you'd enjoy Mike Leigh movies. If you don't like Alice Munro, I don't get you. That's ok, because I really don't get a lot of other people, like people who get excited about fancy guns and trophy hunting. Or people who think religion class is a legitimate "replacement" for science. Of course I think that I am right, just as much as they think that I am wrong.

Anyway, watch "Happy-Go-Lucky". It's like 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, so if you don't like it, you're wrong. Or you're my dad, and it's totally fine for you to watch Die Hard Whatever. I'm not the taste police. I'm just trying to tell you about awesome movies. Also, if you have the stomach for some intense flavour Mike Leigh, check out "Another Year" and maybe even "Vera Drake".

Mainly, Happy-Go-Lucky is remarkable because it proves how life is fine. Some people are doing just fine. It's more than simply "not giving a fuck". It's the ability to realize what matters, and what does not. People's general dickishness is not a problem if you are an invulnerable positivity machine. When it is a problem, you do your best to help without going down with the ship. If you are Poppy, you are going to be very good at life.

Nothing Original Here

I've been wasting time!! Yesterday I was bitch-slapped, or whatever the correspondence equivalent. My paper was "slack". I KNOW. So is my life! Better tighten things up, but first a lightning-round, irrelevant blog of recommendations!! None of the following are mind-blowing but I stand by them!

1. "House of Cards"-- it pisses me a off a little bit that Netflix can just decide it knows what we want and then we all prove Netflix right. It's not as good as TV can get but it's worthwhile. Mostly because of Robin Wright. Have you seen her lately? Did you know she made out with Ben Foster last year? She is unstoppable. I want all of her clothes from this show. Evil people doing manipulative things! What more do you want from your internet TV?

2. "Zero Dark Thirty" -- my parents were both in the military so I actually know what this means. What else I know is that Jessica Chastain is the coolest cat on the scene. I can't even write fun compliments today. I'm worthless. Maybe I should get rich and ask Jessica to portray my subconscious as it battles my internal white-girl demons and then I'll understand.

3. "Anna Karenina"-- Joe Wright and Keira Knightley have this whole thing down pat. Some people didn't really like it because they thought the theatrics were TOO THEATRIC. Whatever, it's Russian literature, why not? I think this is definitely a good movie for girls who like that sort of thing. And Tom Stoppard wrote the screenplay, so watch it and then namedrop Stoppard at your next social event.

4. Oh guess who read a book? I DID. "Ready Player One" is made for gamers, but I actually enjoyed it. A bit too tidy at the end. Still, it was fast-moving with cutesy characters and if you want to impress a nerd, give him this.

5. Sports oh no wait, just kidding, fuck sports. How about dramatic period-pieces instead?!